Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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