I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just puked most of my soul out..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
