New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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