4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
