I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
