i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
