I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
