I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize