his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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