i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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