He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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