Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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