i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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