I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How does one acquire holy water?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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