It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
