Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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