Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
