he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
