Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
