I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
