...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
