I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
