Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
worst night to have a conscience
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
