i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
