i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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