What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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