I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
