No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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