There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
