sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
