You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
