my sisters under your porch take her home
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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