why didn't you poke me back
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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