Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
