I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
