The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
