I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
