haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
