I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
