420 ftw
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
