What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
