it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
