Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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