Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
