Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh god it's open bar.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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