when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
