I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
