I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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