I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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