When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
