How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
