I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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